In 2015 I released my first novel on Amazon. Shortly after I received a one star review under an anonymous user. Six years later, it turns out that it was my mom.
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Sometimes you just have to tell yourself that everything is okay, Even when things are not, and it’s hard to even move through the day. Pressure can build in ways you don’t realize until it’s too late. Stunned in place like you touched an electrified gate.
When you’ve lost people, People that were better that you, People that treated other people better, You walk around with a constant sense of survivor’s guilt.
You will be the best. You will not focus on the rest. Your work will transcend your wildest dreams. You will never lose steam.
You know, in today's world, things are really awesome in the sense that people are coming forward with their mental health issues. It's admirable and hopefully healthy for society. But at the same time, I see everyone coming forward and when it comes to myself, I feel as though I'm whining.
I wanted this.
I wanted this for years.
It's all I wanted for those years.
To quit my job and write fulltime.
My eyes hurt and it's just after 1am. The life of a writer is a strange one. But this is what I wanted. This is that very strange thing that I desired and longed for. Who spends five years begging for isolation; to sit behind a keyboard with the only sound being fingers against little squares of plastic.
Daddy's kept it together pretty well
Maybe that's a lie but still,
I get an A for effort right?
Alright daddy's had some bad nights.
Strive for comfort
A desired pillow for life
Do anything even contort
Your entire soul